Stepping back for a moment...

Dear Readers,

We received some bad news last night and I need to take some time to grieve.  As such, I am going to be taking a few days off from the blog.  I hope you understand.

If you have a moment - reach out today to someone that you love, whether by phone, via email, or a visit. Whenever something like this happens I always focus on the power and impact of showing our love to those around us, especially those we may take for granted.

Have a blessed day.

Photo information here.

Dear Blog Readers...

Dear Blog Readers,

I wanted to take a moment to thank each of you for taking the time to read my silly ramblings. As someone who was a "blog reader" long before becoming a blogger myself, I know that there are an innumerable amount of blogs out in the blogosphere, and I also know that the majority are more interesting than my own! I am truly humbled that some of you have chosen to add my blog to your list of reads. I appreciate each visit from you and especially love to read your comments.

This blog has become a sort of lifeline for me this past month. As many of you know, I have been trying (somewhat unsuccessfully) to deal with a break-up. Break-ups are always difficult, but this has been especially unbearable for me.  I am grieving the loss of a lover and best friend - someone I thought would be a part of my life until the day I died.  

This blog is one of the few things that brings a genuine smile to my face right now, and I owe most (all) of that to each of you. 

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you,

Beautifully Invisible

Here's to brighter days on the horizon.... 

"Sunset", somewhere in the Caribbean near Roatan, Honduras

"Thank You" image courtesy of Google Images
"Sunset" taken and copyrighted by me.

Photoshoot: The Face of Grief

Every once in a while you come across something that physically stops you in your tracks.

Something that knocks the wind out of you.

Something that resonates with you.

I was playing on the internet today at lunch when I came across this Stefano Galuzzi photoshoot from the 2010 Spring/Summer issue of Grey magazine.

The model, the stunning Georgina Stojiljkovic, looks absolutely devastated.   

Tortured.   

Empty.  

Alone.

These images depict exactly what I feel like every day.

My relationship with the love of my life ended on June 1^st. 

With each passing day it becomes a little easier to move forward.   

To let go.

I continue to live my life. I work. I spend time with the people that love and care about me.  I focus on the things that bring me joy. 

But this is what I feel like.

Grief and emptiness...

"Better never to have met you in my dream 

than to wake and reach for hands that are not there." 

-  Otomo No Yakamochi

Photoshoot Details
Model: Georgina Stojiljkovic
Photographer: Stefano Galuzzi
Stylist: Roxane Danse
Grey magazine, Spring 2010

Relationships: Time to Breathe

Sometimes you just need to take a step back.

Close your eyes.

And breathe.

Think about the little things that make you happy.

Focus on them.

And continue breathing.

Relationships: Sense of Time

My boyfriend and I broke up a little over two weeks ago.

*pause*

I had to stop just now and look at the sentence above again. REALLY look at it.

Two weeks.

It’s only been two weeks.

It feels like a lifetime.

I hate being this person. I hate feeling this empty. This numb.

People think I am a strong person. He used to tell me I was a strong person. He used to say he envied that about me. I don’t feel strong now.

People always tell you to move on after a break-up. Take care of yourself. Improve yourself. Work. Keep yourself occupied. Spend time with your friends. With the people you love. Each day will get easier. You’ll move on. In my past experience, all of this is true.

You accept. You grow. You learn. And you move on.

But guess what.

It doesn’t always work.

I am doing all of those things, but they aren’t even making a dent in the emptiness.

“Time heals all wounds” they say.

True, it does. Time works wonders. But what happens when you have no sense of time?

Two weeks.

It’s been two weeks and I feel like it’s been a lifetime.

I’ve been in relationships before. I’ve loved before. But this – this was different. This was the deepest connection I have ever had with someone. This was the deepest and truest love I have ever felt. He was best friend I’ve ever had.

But he didn’t feel it. At least not the way I did. And it wasn’t enough for him.

So now we are both alone.

But I can’t imagine he feels the emptiness I am feeling right now.

I know it’s time to let go. I know it’s time to move on.

But I don’t know how.

I am not strong.

Relationships: Letting Go

When I decided to start my own blog I thought I’d be focusing my writing on some of the things I am most passionate about. Fashion. Film. Music. Photography. That sort of thing. Fun topics that make me happy.

I could write about upcoming fall fashions.

The premiere of Eclipse at the end of this month. (Team Edward!)

Eminem's new CD.

I could post a photo of a beautiful daylilly.

Instead my first blog post had to do with breaking up.

A break-up wasn’t something I had envisioned in my immediate future. Actually, I hadn’t envisioned it in my future at all.

Maybe that makes me a fool.

I loved him. I still do love him. It wasn’t a “bad break-up” so to speak. No one cheated. No one lied. No one intentionally hurt anyone. But it happened. And it’s all I can think about right now. It’s all I can focus on.

The days are still passing. I still go to work each day. I still do what I need to do. But I can’t stop thinking that this was a mistake.

Every bone in my body is telling me that this is a mistake.

That this is wrong. That our relationship deserves a second chance.

I know there are no guarantees in life. But I also know how I felt and do feel.

I am having an impossible time letting go.

I don’t know how, and I feel LOST because of it.

*Beautifully Invisible* is no longer listed as in a relationship

Remember the good old days when breaking up was easy? OK – maybe breaking up with someone has never been easy. Break-ups always were and always will be difficult. They should be difficult. They should make you cry. They should make you want to eat ungodly amounts of ice cream. They should make you want to go on a shopping spree. They should make you want to get a makeover. A haircut. Some killer shoes. Whatever.

All of those things make sense. They are paths along the road back to normalcy.

Enter social media. Specifically, enter the facebook “relationship status”.

You start dating someone.

You fall in love with that person.

You are filled with such joy and happiness you want to dance in the streets.

Sing in the rain.

Shout it from the rooftops.

So you update your facebook status to “is in a relationship”. That is kind of like shouting your joy from a rooftop. Only safer.

Then… you break-up.

And you are heartbroken.

And you have to somehow deal with the emptiness and grief you are feeling. Even though it seems impossible.

You attempt to hide at least some of your pain from the world, so they don't see the depths of your despair.

And then you realize, you have to change your stupid f%#&ing facebook status. Because you are no longer in a relationship.

So you change it.

And then - so does he.

And you feel like you broke up all over again. Only this time EVERYONE in the CIVILIZED world was witness to it.

Breaking up once was bad enough.

Stupid status.

Now I need TWO pairs of killer shoes.